It’s winter, and I’m in the only queue that doesn’t make my blood boil: the line for the Eurostar en route to Paris. Behind me, a couple begins having a heated tiff about who should be carrying a particularly bulky suitcase. In a moment of post-breakup schadenfreude, I can’t help but feel a little smug about the fact that I’m making this journey alone, with a relatively tiny bag and the person who would never have offered to carry it left firmly behind in London. To be honest, I need the reassurance. I’m newly single and heading for the most romantic city in the world. Will this be an uplifting journey of self-discovery, or am I just running away from my problems? Or, worst of all, am I plunging headfirst into a lonely holiday with only unwanted memories for company?
Embarrassingly, the idea for this trip has come from the teen drama series Gossip Girl, in which Blair Waldorf advises: “If you’re going to be sad, you might as well be sad in Paris”. But the urge to travel post-breakup predates that much-memed wisdom and is well-documented in popular culture. Its poster girl might be Julia Roberts on a life-affirming voyage around Italy, India and Bali in the film version of Elizabeth Gilbert’s novel Eat, Pray, Love, or Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet in The Holiday, memorably swapping Surrey and Los Angeles homes in the grip of heartbreak. Soul-searching, unexpected friendships, impossibly picturesque scenery and—yes – new romance are on offer for these romantic Nancy Meyers heroines.
But if you do jet off in the wake of a breakup, there’s no guaranteeing you’ll end up in a cozy cottage with Jude Law knocking on your door late one night. Then again, that might not be what you’re searching for. You might just want a change of scenery, a moment of perspective, or a meal out without the risk of bumping into your ex’s friends.
One of the great strengths of heartbreak travel is that it presents us with an opportunity to travel alone, an idea that has surged in popularity in recent years. At the time of writing, the hashtag “solotravel” has 6.3 billion views on TikTok and in July, the BBC reported that the number of people Googling the same phrase had almost doubled compared to five years ago. Equally, post-breakup travel offers the chance to reconnect with friends or family members, who we often see less of when our de facto plus one is a partner.
Traveling with friends or going it alone, there’s certainly plenty of romantic heartbreak around to inspire an escape. A string of high-profile separations have dominated headlines (everyone from Britney Spears to Meryl Streep is single.) No wonder there’s a surge in helpful travel apps for recent singletons—there’s an app called Breakup Tours, which suggests itineraries customized by your breakup experience, and Virgin Holidays has launched “divorce holidays” that include personal styling sessions and shopping sprees to help divorcees embrace the next chapter. Of the 1,500 divorced people surveyed by Virgin, four in five said a post-breakup holiday made them feel better about their singledom.
As well as a mood lift, sometimes the mere act of physically going somewhere can feel like progress, as well as providing the opportunity to remove yourself from the physical reminders of a former partner. According to Dr Theresa Schwaiger, a clinical psychologist at London-based The Soke, travel doesn’t necessarily mean we’re running away from our problems. “Broadly speaking, travel can be a very helpful way of processing heartbreak,” she says, before equating it to a grieving process and pointing to something called the dual process model of grief. “This model proposes that we oscillate between confronting and avoiding the loss, which is actually really healthy at the end of a relationship,” she explains.
“But when you’re surrounded by reminders of the lost person, you can’t actually oscillate very well between avoiding and confronting. Travel can provide space to do both. For example, we might go away and experience something really beautiful, think back to the lost person, and experience sadness that they’re not there, too. It can be a way of getting in touch with the loss while we’re en route elsewhere, physically and emotionally.” In this sense, it’s possible to travel to escape without completely suppressing the pain of heartbreak.
On the contrary, if you’re traveling—especially alone—you might have time to fully lean into the melancholic pain of it all, as I did on that post-breakup trip to Paris. You can lope moodily around museums gazing at masterpieces or nurse a glass of wine outside a café and watch the world go by. And when you eventually get bored of that, you might retreat to the welcoming embrace of a hotel, which can do no end of good, from the familiar ‘welcome back’ of a kindly doorman to a soul-stirring drink or soothing dish. “The famous Claridge’s Chicken Pie, oozing with delicious flavour, can only bring happiness to any broken-hearted visitor,” says Simon Attridge, Culinary Director at the Mayfair hotel. “Savoring it with a glass of Champagne and soaking up the Art Deco surroundings will help ease any sorrow.”
As well as epicurean remedies and glamorous locations, there are more simple solutions to heartbreak, as divorce coach Sara Davison advises. “It’s important to choose the right kind of trip that is going to be restorative and give you time for reflection,” she says. “Research shows that being in nature renews our spirits and encourages us to look beyond our immediate circumstances. It allows us to process difficult feelings in a judgement-free zone, enabling us to regulate our emotions and find our natural balance again.”
One place explicitly designed for this process is the aptly named Heartbreak Hotel in the UK. Founded by psychologist Alice Haddon and co-founder Ruth Field, the Heartbreak Hotel runs retreats that address romantic heartbreak through one-to-one therapy, group sessions, nourishing food and a little pampering on a bucolic estate in Sussex.
“We’ve had everyone from a 28-year-old who had broken up with a partner of six months to a 72-year-old who had got divorced from her husband of 45 years,” says Field. “The work of the retreat is to bring every guest back into connection with who they really are outside the relationship that has broken down.” Around 50 percent of the attendees come to the retreat from abroad, from countries including the US, Germany, Australia, Vietnam, and Bahrain. “The journey doesn’t seem to be a barrier—it’s an attraction,” says Field, “and the experience of heartbreak is universal.” If you’re craving more distant scenes, there are plenty of programs geared up for heartbroken travelers across the globe, from the remote jungles of Mexico to the valleys of Bhutan and the rolling hills of Tuscany—more on which below.
Of course, there’s no quick fix when it comes to heartbreak, as Chance Marshall, co-founder of mental health service Self Space, reminds us. “As much as travel captivates our spirits, it will never properly mend a broken heart,” he says. “There is no ‘cure’ for heartbreak, and travel cannot magically erase the pain.” But it can help us get out there and explore our complex interior life against a shifting external world, allowing us to process our emotions in a context that differs from the everyday. And if it doesn’t help, you can always come home – an option that might look more appealing after a long journey. And all without even a hint of a squabble over a suitcase.
The hotels healing broken hearts
Below, find the hotels providing the ultimate escape for heartbroken travellers – from retreats dedicated to healing aching hearts to breathtakingly beautiful escapes to distract you long enough to begin mending.
The ‘You are the Love Story’ retreat at Chablé Yucatan, Mexico
This retreat in Mexico’s Maya Jungle is specifically designed to ease heartbreak and increase self-worth, with daily sunrise and sunset yoga, treatments including a full-body exfoliation to ‘scrub away the past’, and a traditional Temazcal ceremony in a steam house.
The Solo Sojourn at Amankora, Bhutan
Escaping to one of the most remote environments on earth guarantees time for self-reflection. This 10 or 13-night journey through Bhutan’s spectacular central and western valleys is designed for self-discovery for solo guests going through periods of grief or heartbreak, who stay in Amankora’s immaculate lodges.
Harmony & Renewal Retreat at Borgo Santo Pietro, Italy
It’s hard to think of a more soul-soothing location than this sprawling estate in the majestic rolling hills of Tuscany. Throughout this retreat, you’ll be ensconced in Italian hospitality, fed farm-to-table delights at fine dining restaurant Saporium and transformed with treatments that use Seed To Skin products made on-site.
Royal Sleep Experience at Royal Champagne Hotel & Spa, France
Heartbreak and insomnia go pretty much hand in hand, so this sleep-enhancing stay in Champagne could be the ideal antidote. It’s designed to give you the most restful night possible, with a candle massage followed by a light dinner before you retreat to your soundproofed Junior Suite, where a sleep kit (containing a mask, mist and herbal tea) awaits.
Spiritual Blessings at Nirjhara, Bali
Sustainable hideaway Nirjhara on Bali’s southwest coast is the ideal spot for an Eat Pray Love-inspired reset. A selection of off-property “blessings” offer a spiritual escape from everyday life; sound healing and meditation are followed by a cleansing ritual at Sebatu’s holy springs, before guests are submerged into a majestic waterfall to be “cleansed."
Cacao Healing Ritual at Maroma, A Belmond Hotel, Mexico
Belmond’s Riviera Maya property is fresh from a major renovation, and a stay here can invoke a similar transformation, especially if you experience this cacao-themed meditation workshop, which is all about opening yourself back up to love. A guided energetic healing session also promises to help you find purpose.
The Heartbreak Hotel, UK
The real-life Heartbreak Hotel offers retreats throughout the year, but pop-up retreats in London throughout the year will distil the best of the team’s psychological techniques and tools into a one-day workshop.
A version of this article originally appeared on Condé Nast Traveller.